Diary of a Dr. Red Nose—What Should a Medical Clown Do When Quarantined?
After returning to Taiwan from the “2022 World Healthcare Clown Congress” in The Hague, Netherlands, I moved into a hotel for 10 days of quarantine in accordance with government regulations.
During those 10 days, I completed a total of four #video performances, in which my clown “Tiantian” showed familiar children and parents the hotel room where she was staying through the camera and expressed to them how she felt about being #quarantined.[
Several old friends listened to Tiantian’s thoughts and seemed to wear thoughtful expressions. Since I currently could not move about freely, being in this state and video chatting with familiar young patients and their parents seemed to let me experience feelings different from before.
(1) The Boy Confined to a Hospital Room 👦🏻
During the first performance, an old friend, a four-year-old boy, was feeling unwell and did not want the camera pointed at him. He told his mother, “Don’t film me!” So what we saw was his body lying on the bed, wearing a tiny patient’s outfit covered in many fine-line patterns.
He had already been hospitalized continuously for at least two months. Some time ago, his mother sent us a private message saying that the boy really wanted to go out and play but could not leave the hospital, and asking the clown to take him to the prairie during the video call. When we video chatted with him this time, he was feeling even worse than before—very low, lacking energy, and in a bad mood⚫️.
Because clown “Tiantian” was quarantined, she could not go anywhere and could only stare blankly out the window, feeling very sad. Clown “LuLu” really wanted to help Tiantian, so she tried every trick she had and kept her company in all sorts of ways. But Tiantian lost interest after playing for a little while and did not want to continue.
With her head hanging dejectedly, Tiantian wailed about not being able to go outside. At that moment, I heard the boy’s mother say from the other side of the camera, “Look, Tiantian is just like you….” I did not hear the boy reply, but at that moment, I—the actor behind the clown—suddenly seemed to understand something a little more deeply than before.
About halfway through the performance, the boy suddenly quietly showed his face in front of the camera. His little face had hardly any smile on it; he had thick eyebrows and big eyes, and he looked at us on the screen.
Later, LuLu accompanied Tiantian in playing Mario on the Switch. Tiantian actually did not have much motivation, but because LuLu stayed by her side, listening to the Mario music, she gradually became calmer and wanted to go to sleep💤.
This performance ended when Tiantian wanted to sleep and rest. There was no “dramatic climax”; the two clowns simply and slowly told the boy and his mother that we should all get some good rest. The mother also told Tiantian to keep going. Then we said goodbye.
As usual, the mother actively guided the boy in expressing his thoughts beside him. He did not say much in particular from beginning to end, except to object that “his nostrils don’t look like the nostrils of a pig plushie.” However, he participated in the entire video date and did not hide away.
After the video call ended, I took off the red nose and sincerely felt that there was very little we could do, but the most we could do was show up as promised.
We keep our promises and appear before them/on their screens, witnessing their present state, then walking together for a little while. At our next meeting, we walk together for a little while again, and then a little while more… until many “little whiles” accumulate into a certain path that only the two of us can understand.
🌈Note: However, the day before yesterday, a two-year-old girl began listing everything I had talked about with her in a video call several weeks earlier as soon as she saw me, which took me completely by surprise. When I video chatted with her again today, she described it all once more, and I was so happy that I truly did not know what to do. Perhaps the “little while” of companionship that is all it is for us means more than that to her.
(2) The Girl Who Kept Tiantian Company 🔆
Girl M is a member of her school’s board game club. When she saw that Tiantian was so bored that she poked bubble wrap every day, she immediately suggested that Tiantian “play a board game.” Didn’t have a board game at hand? No problem—make one yourself.
She instructed Tiantian to take out a coin and a sheet of white paper, cut it into squares, write one task/trap on each square, and arrange them into a route that connected the starting point back to the endpoint. Then they could play! (A Monopoly-style game)
Just as Tiantian raised her hand and cheered, M thought for a moment and said, “You can use two coins and play rock-paper-scissors with your left hand and right hand. Then you can play with ‘two people’ together!”
Tiantian was genuinely moved in that moment, practically crying her eyes out.
(3) The Mother Who Needed to Live Well 👩👦👦
That mother, who was very close to Dr. Red Nose, saw Tiantian struggling during quarantine and began saying to her:
“Tiantian, use this time to rest. Rest well. Open the curtains so there is sunlight; having things bright will improve your mood. Find things to do. When you get up in the morning, start with some exercises. After exercising, do a little schoolwork. You can watch a movie, or write in a diary or take notes. After eating your fill at noon, take a little nap, then think about which show you want to follow. Wouldn’t that be nice!”
Then her tone suddenly became gentle. Holding her son B, she said to the two clowns, “B has also been exercising recently. This week he did supported arm exercises, standing jumps, and high-kneeling. Isn’t he amazing? It hurts a lot, but he has to practice. He keeps crying and crying….”
Both of the mother’s sons were nearing adulthood. Because of illnesses they had been unable to move independently since childhood and could not respond much to the outside world. She had cared for both of them as they grew up. Now the two young men were tall and sturdy; during every video call, her son would sit in a chair while she stood and affectionately wrapped an arm around his shoulders, looking at the camera as if one giant were protecting another.
Her son could barely respond to us. During our video calls, we mainly interacted with his mother, sharing the clowns’ lives and silly stories. She was always very attentive and discussed them with us.
“So, Tiantian, you should exercise too. If you get very, very tired, rest.”
“Make the most of your time, okay?” the mother reminded Tiantian before the video call ended.
These words came from a mother who had raised two teenagers unable to move independently. Listening to them while I was in quarantine, I felt them deeply, but I seemed to understand more than before—though I would never truly “understand.”
After what felt like an incredibly long 10 days, I finally completed quarantine. Looking back on this period, I sincerely want to thank all the old friends and new faces I encountered during the video performances while in quarantine. Thank you for giving Tiantian all kinds of encouragement and support, as well as a certain degree of “empathy”.
Hotel quarantine is only temporary. How can we measure the longing for #freedom of people who, because of illness, must temporarily or permanently say goodbye to the routines of daily life they are accustomed to and expect?
May every small moment and every new understanding expand my inner world, allowing me to hold more wisdom.
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Date: 2022/0425-0505 Author: Tiantian